Thoughts on identity, leadership, and growth

Writing a book is hard. It was far more difficult than I thought it was going to be. Having good ideas is easy and getting the words on the page is straightforward. The part that I found brutal was reading back through my work and wondering — who wrote this crap?

Once I had a structure and a timetable, I enjoyed meeting my word count goals. I knew what I wanted to say and why, and it felt like it flowed nicely. But when it came time to edit and publish, I hated what I had produced and struggled with the real work of turning words into a book.

Like many business owners, I enjoy creation much more than implementation and revision. I love ideas, concepts, and future plans. I can talk a great talk. But when things get hard, I lose enthusiasm. When brilliant plans hit a wall and become tedious, I get bored and frustrated and look for a new project.

Through the book writing and publishing process, I learned these five lessons:

1. Someone else loves to do the parts that you don't. If someone can help, accept the help graciously. It is not necessary to do it alone.
2. Structure is your friend. End every day with the first idea written for the next day. Always hit the ground running.
3. There is no such thing as perfect. Good enough is good enough.
4. Nobody cares as much as you. It is not as important as you think it is.
5. Someone else has done this before you. Lean on their experience and wisdom.

When you're facing frustration or a lack of inspiration in your business, ask yourself whether any of these apply:

• I am trying to do work that is not in my zone of genius.
• I am lacking structure and trying to reinvent the wheel each day.
• I am valuing perfection over completion.
• I am overthinking this.
• I am trying to start from scratch when I don't need to.

As business owners, our most valuable asset is our ability to generate new ideas and projects. It's normal to get stuck and need a fresh perspective. If any of this resonates, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I read every message.

Whatever the problem you're facing, the solution is always a shift in personal identity. How you see yourself is the key to making every change that you think your life requires.

People tend to get stuck in the mechanics of what they think they need to do. When stuck for a long time, they start to identify with the state of being stuck. It becomes who they are. The actions required feel impossible because they don't match the identity.

To create a coaching business, I had to let go of my identity as a lawyer. That was difficult because I liked being a lawyer even though I didn't want to practise. It was comfortable, it was solid. Telling people I was a business coach felt disingenuous and flaky — but that identity shift was absolutely necessary. If you'd asked me what was stopping me, I would have said lack of time. That was nonsense.

On weight loss

If weight loss isn't happening, you aren't identifying as someone at your desired weight. Someone at your target weight and fitness level takes certain actions daily. If you've always been overweight — or underweight — you need to meet the new you and discover who you are when being the healthy version. Here's a clue: that person is not on a diet.

On relationships

If you remain single, you aren't identifying as a happily married person. It feels like a paradox — wouldn't identifying that way prevent you from meeting someone by giving off unavailable vibes? But that paradox is exactly the point. Being stuck in the mechanics rather than the solution requires a trick of the mind, a sort of mental gymnastics. A happily married person wouldn't be on dating apps or scanning rooms for potential partners. If you've never been happily married, it takes significant imagination. You don't need to advertise availability — you only need to meet the one. And when you do, they will recognise you perfectly.

On wealth

This is the area that trips people up most: the idea of becoming wealthy by thinking rich. To those who have never been rich, it feels like being told to spend money they don't have. But that isn't what rich people do. Truly wealthy people know their numbers and live within budget, even if it doesn't look that way from the outside. They appreciate quality over quantity, look after their possessions, and value both time and money, respecting the balance. They charge appropriately and confidently. And they get things done. This is how to identify as wealthy while your financial figures catch up — not spending blindly on credit to look the part.

Think of three changes you desire — in your career, relationships, finances, or body. If it's proving challenging, I guarantee you're living in the problem and not the completed solution. Close your eyes, imagine it's already done, and ask: how would you live? Who would you be?

That person — the one who already has what you want — is who I help you become. I'd love to hear your insights. I read every message.