Whatever the problem, the solution is always a shift in personal identity. How you see yourself is the key to making every change that you think your life requires. It is so easy to get bogged down in the mechanics of the required actions, and this is where we tend to get stuck. If we have been stuck for a significant period of time, we identify with the state of being stuck.

Let me give you a real example. In order to create this coaching company, I had to relinquish my identity as a lawyer. This was hard. I liked being a lawyer – even though I did not want to work as a lawyer. It was part of my identity. When people asked what I did, it was easy and pleasant to be able to answer “I am a lawyer”. It was solid and I was deeply comfortable with it.

To tell people that I was a business coach felt disingenuous and flaky. But this was the identity shift I needed to overcome in order to be able to establish the company. If you had asked me what was stopping me, I would have said “I just don’t have time to write the articles and market the new business at the moment.” Nonsense.

If you want to lose weight, and it is not happening, you are not identifying as a person who is the weight you want to be. If you were, the required actions would follow naturally and inevitably. A person who is the weight and fitness levels that you want to be, takes certain actions daily. If you have always been overweight or underweight, you will need to take the time to meet the new you and discover who you are specifically, when you are being the healthy version of you. Let me give you a clue – that person is not on a diet.

If you want a relationship, and you are still single, you are not identifying as a person who is happily married. I can understand this one. The fear is that, if I identify as a person who is happily married, and not someone who is available, how could I possibly meet someone? I would be giving off disinterested and unavailable vibes. But this is the point. This is how you are stuck in the mechanics of the problem and not the solution.

It requires a trick of the mind, a sort of mental gymnastics. If you were happily married, you would not be on any dating apps, you would not be actively looking to be set up, or scanning a room for potential love interests. You would arrange social events differently, you would manage your home and your finances accordingly. If you have never been happily married, this is going to require a great use of your imagination. You don’t need to advertise your availability. You only need to meet “the one” and when you do, they will recognise you perfectly.

I think the problem that trips people up the most is the notion of becoming wealthy by “thinking rich”. To people who have never been rich, it feels like being told “go spend money that you don’t have”. But that is not something that rich people do. Truly wealthy people know their numbers and live within their budget. It does not look like this from the outside in. But they appreciate quality over quantity. They look after their possessions. They value their time and their money – they respect the balance. They charge appropriately and confidently. They know what needs to be done and get it done. This is how to identify as someone wealthy as your figures catch up with you. It does not mean to spend blindly on credit in order to look rich.

Think of three problems or changes that you would love to make in your life right now. Perhaps you want a career change, a relationship adjustment, to improve your financial circumstances, or transform your body. If it is proving challenging, I can guarantee that you are living in the problem and not the completed solution.

Close your eyes and imagine it is already done. How would you live? Who would you be?

As always, I love to hear your insights. I read every message – feel free to get in touch with me.